Searching for Him

I opened my eyes and saw my clothes all ripped. I looked and felt as if i just got out of a terrific accident. My body was in pain, I felt lost and scared. " Did I die and my soul got trapped here" was I asked myself. Til this very day I remember. I thought I had died but didn't go to either hell or heaven. I got up real quick and ran to my phone. I had randomly called one of my friends. He picked up and he said hello, I said hi back scared if he wouldn't hear me. But he did. He asked me if I was ok...." I need to go to church, I need to find God" was what I responded. He was in shock but he told me he would take me to the church he attends on sundays. I knew I had to find God but I did not want to return to The Universal Church. I was scared, embarrassed, and something did not let me go there. I thought that they would judge me because of how I was and looked. " What would they say  about me? How would they look at me? I asked myself. " I am not going there" and I didn't. I went home that day with such a void in my heart. I knew something else was going to happen that night but I just didn't know what. I felt lost, scared and lonely. My mother would try to speak to me but all I will see is her mouth moving but I didn't hear what she was saying. " What's wrong with me" ....That night as I prepared myself to sleep a great fear came over me. "If I close my eyes, would I wake up the next morning". With that question in my mind I laid in my bed scared to close my eyes......

Sunday came, i got up took a shower and got dressed. My friend was on his way and I felt happy to go to church. All I wanted was to find God. I wanted to follow that God that saved me from death. As I got to the church they all said hello to me and looked very happy I was there. The service began and I closed my eyes, I poured my all, I told God everything that was inside of me. But Something inside of me told me this wasn't the place for me. I left there with confusion and that night didn't get any better..........